Everyday Life with the Ponds
by savvyliterate
Summary: In a terraced home on a quiet street in London, behind a door of the bluest blue, Amy Pond and Rory Williams had a little family that no one knew about. It was somewhat broken, but it was still a very good family.
1. Midnight Snack

**Author's note:** I'd been wanting to do a series of Pond family-oriented short stories for awhile. With the BBC running "Pond Life" leading up to the series 7 premiere, I figured it was a good time to finally gather these stories together and post them. I changed the setting for most of these stories from Leadworth to London after "Asylum of the Daleks" showed that Amy and Rory's home gifted to them by the Doctor is in London.

* * *

_"Midnight Snack"_

Rory rolled over, reached for Amy and found a warm spot where his wife should be. He cracked open one eye to see Amy by the door, holding a cricket bat in one hand while peering through the small opening in the door.

"Amy, what are you doing? And where did we get a cricket bat?" Rory asked.

"Your Uncle Hershel gave us a cricket set as a wedding gift. There's someone in the kitchen." The last two words were drowned out by a sudden clatter of pans. "I think it's burglars."

Rory sighed and got up, grabbing his dressing gown. "I don't think we need them. I've two guesses as to who's in the kitchen," he said as the fire alarm went off.

His guesses were correct.

They raced downstairs to find the Doctor and River in the once-neat kitchen, covered head to foot in batter. A pan on the stove was billowing smoke, and River was armed with a fire extinguisher. Flames licked around the covered pan before being buried beneath foam as River put out the fire. "I got it, honey!" River yelled over the noise.

The Doctor pulled out his sonic. "Where's the fire alarm?"

"In the hall! By the ..." The alarm cut off. "Stairs," River finished, then peered around the Doctor. "Hello, Mum. Dad."

"What on Earth are you two doing?" Amy asked, putting the cricket bat down as Rory palmed the batteries he'd taken from the fire alarm.

"We were just at a party on Xfrit. Third century, the pinnacle of King Rufan IX's reign and one of the prime eras of art and culture on the plant." The Doctor indicated his tuxedo and the elaborate evening gown that River wore, both liberally splashed with the results of their kitchen mishap. "We got a bit hungry and decided we wanted _okonomiyaki, _but decided that you two should have some as well!"

"A Japanese street food," River explained as she opened a window to air out the room. "The Doctor suggested taking you two to Osaka."

"But River suggested we cook for you here!" The Doctor whisked the top of the pan off to reveal a blackened cake. He scratched his nose. "Dear, I don't think it's suppose to turn out like that."

River leaned over the pan and jabbed at it with a fork. "No, it's a little overcooked, my love."

"Do either of you know how to cook properly?" Rory asked.

The Doctor scoffed. "I tutored Julia Child myself!"

"In which incarnation?" Amy took the pan and dumped the contents in the sink so she could wash it down the garbage disposal. Or tried in any case. It made a loud grinding sound, then began to bark. "Doctor, what did you do to the garbage disposal?"

"Improved it, Amelia Pond! Listen to that disposal purr!"

"It's literally purring!"

"Right." Rory threw up his hands and headed into the hall for his coat. "The chippy a couple blocks over is still open. River, let's go get everyone some food while the Doctor fixes our garbage disposal."

"Oh, come on, Dad," River coaxed. "You can do better than that. Why don't I drive the TARDIS to Osaka and pick up some street food there?"

"It's after midnight. Your mum and I are in our pyjamas, and I don't even want to know what you and the Doctor are covered in. Let's just get you some food, clean the kitchen up, and we need to head back to bed."

"Dad." River turned pleading eyes to him, and Rory felt something in his heart twist. He had no clue as to how old River was at that moment, they hadn't synced diaries or anything yet, but he could feel his daughter wrapping him neatly around her little finger. "Please? I really want to spend some time with you."

Rory firmly resolved not to give into those big, green eyes.

* * *

_Twenty minutes later_

"This is called _takoyaki_?" Amy stuffed another ball in her mouth and chewed. "It's good! Just don't tell me what's in it."

Rory worked on his _okonomiyaki_, which was really quite good. River and the Doctor hadn't been kidding when they had talked up the excellent street food in Japan. They stood near a stall in Osaka on a steamy August night in 2004, the Doctor and River in their ruined evening clothes, and Amy and Rory in their pyjamas and dressing gowns. They only drew a few stares and whispers. "What's in takoyaki?" Rory whispered to River.

"Octopus," she replied, and Rory decided it was wise not to mention it to Amy.


	2. Homecoming

_"Homecoming"_

They arrived in a burst of smoke and time, precisely two weeks to the day that Amy and Rory announced they were off on a trip to America to visit a friend, and they'd be back soon.

It was the first time she had been in the ground-floor flat in her current incarnation. She was more used to seeing them in the house the Doctor had gifted them a bit later on. But at the same time, it was as familiar as her cell at Stormcage. Mels had frequented the place - literally taking over the small spare bedroom at times. Everything was the same as she remembered from so many years ago, the IKEA furniture, the books scattered about that she, Rory and Amy had used to track the Doctor through time and space.

Amy and Rory moved stiffly, arms around each other as if one would slip through the floor if they let go. They blinked slowly as their eyes adjusted to the living room, brighter than the darkened hall they'd been trapped in at Demon's Run. Someone had been by, had left fresh groceries and the mail. A note was taped to the fridge, signed by Rory's parents. Yes, of course, River thought, they'd always been one to think of things like this.

She turned to find Rory staring intently at her as Amy turned away. They had questions, she had answers. She'd been preparing for this day since not long after her incarceration, and she learned the truth about the backwardness of her own future. There was nothing to be done by standing here, River firmly told herself and strode into the kitchen to make them all a cup of tea.

"You have my eyes. Kind of," Rory said after a moment.

River put the kettle on and didn't say anything. She didn't many parental resemblances carried through regenerations, but if it made them feel better, she'd let them think it.

"And Amy's face. Doesn't she have your face?"

Amy slowly lifted her head, and her eyes were empty. Stark. Bleak. "Why are you talking? Why are the two of you saying anything?" Her head snapped around, and those brilliant eyes filled with tears. "Can't you just leave? You weren't here when we needed you, so just leave us alone."

The words hurt , but it wasn't as bad as when Amy had held a gun on her minutes earlier … or when the Doctor had hurled the same statement in River's face with so much venom that for a moment she had feared she had accidentally ruined their future by doing as she was told. "Amy, I know you're in a lot of pain …"

"How do you know? You just come swanning in here after everything is over. How do I know you're not lying now? How do I know you're really Melody?" Amy pushed Rory away from her and stalked over to River as the kettle began to boil.

"Because the Doctor believes her, Amy," Rory called out. Amy looked away, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I'm not quite Time Lord, but I have the memory of one," River said after a moment, looking down at the silver electric kettle, absently admiring the technology. It'd been a gift from Mels. Stolen from Marks & Spencer, but no one ever mentioned that - after all, they'd never caught her. "The very first memory I have as a child was being told of a man who would do anything for me, who was very ancient. The Last Centurion. I was also told that I might not always be protected or loved, but I was to be very, very brave."

Amy kept staring at a fixed point on the elaborate setup of IKEA shelving. Rory looked torn between going to his wife and going to his daughter, and River pulled mugs out of the cabinet, quietly pleased she was able to keep her hands from trembling.

The buzzer sounded like an alarm suddenly going off, and all of them jumped. River's hand immediately flew to her gun before it dropped away, a movement so fast and fluid that thankfully no one caught it.

"Hello!" An achingly voice familiar echoed in the front hall, and River's heart lept into her throat. "You two better be back, it's been boring without you around. You've been gone for ages. Hope you didn't mind, I bummed on the couch here a couple nights. And I didn't kill that fern of yours, Rory, just so you know."

"Mels," Amy choked out, and she flew into the small entrance hall.

"I have to go." River's fingers were already flying over the vortex manipulator, keying in coordinates.

"You can't just leave. Not now."

River's gaze met her father's. "I have to. Especially now." She hesitated, then said the one thing she'd never remembered telling her parents at any time of her life. There'd been only one person she'd ever said it to, and it had taken years and years before she could get it out without choking. "Please, remember that no matter what happens, I love you." She disappeared just as Amy and Mels walked into the room.

"What was that?" Mels asked.

Neither Amy or Rory could answer her.


	3. 50 Shades of Something

_"50 Shades of Something"_

"Oh, _no_."

Amy was about to head into Marks and Spencer when she heard the rather exasperated utterance. She turned to see River standing in front of Waterstones, sunglasses tilted down as she glared at the shop window.

"What's the matter?" She headed back to River to look at the display. Dark-colored books featuring grey objects were everywhere, stacked in neat piles. "Oh, I heard of this. _50 Shades of Grey_, yeah? Mum suggested them to me."

River choked, then began to cough. "Tab … Tabetha is reading _those_?"

"What's the matter with them?"

"Amy. Amy, Amy." River wrapped an arm around Amy's shoulders and steered her away from the window. "Just everything. Did you know they started off as _Twilight_ fanfiction?"

Amy wrinkled her nose a bit. "Really? They can't be that good."

"The books have outsold _Harry Potter_ on the Internet."

"Really?" Amy gawked at her. "But … But, that's _Harry Potter_!"

"I know!" They took a moment to mourn this rather unfortunate turn of events.

Amy peered at the shop window. "Just how bad is it?"

"Borrow your mother's copy. We'll read it tonight. I'll bring the wine. Trust me. You'll need it."

* * *

River brought wine … and the Doctor.

"I was off to play a round golf with Jack Nicklaus. Ran into River while I was picking out my lucky putter. She said she was coming here to read a book with you," the Doctor chirped as he all but bounced into Amy and Rory's living room. He clapped his hands. "I love a good book reading! Went back and saw Charles Dickens do a reading once. Well, didn't get to see as much of it as I'd like. Had a little run-in with the Gelth."

"Sweetie, I keep telling you, you're going to hate this book," River said as she followed, wine bottle and glasses in hand. "It's atrociously written and makes Stephanie Meyer look like Jane Austen in comparison."

"Well, it's not like I can go golfing with Nicklaus now, can I?" The Doctor pressed his nose into River's face. "Because someone 'accidentally' used my flat cap to repair a part on the TARDIS console."

River merely smiled. "Didn't you know how much smoother the ride was here?"

He dropped his voice a couple of octaves, nearly pressing his hips into hers. "I should make you replace it."

"Maybe you should," she purred.

Rory walked in with a plate of sandwiches and sighed. "It's like they forget we're even here," he commented to Amy.

"Come on, you two! Flirt later," Amy called out with a grin. "I want to see what this book's all about! Look, I found a drinking game online."

* * *

River suggested they skip straight to chapter 8, largely because otherwise they'd only make it through chapter 2 after quitting out of sheer boredom. Amy highly approved of this.

"First of the sex scenes," she informed Rory and the Doctor. Rory was doing his best to ignore them by playing solitaire on the laptop while the Doctor had grabbed the Kindle that River had given Amy for Christmas and was using the sonic to give her unlimited access to Amazon's bookstore.

"Boring, boring, boring … Really? How could she have never done that? " Amy shoved the book in River's face.

"Plenty of people don't do that . Depending on the religion, it's considered a sin. Others believe it still causes blindness."

Amy shook her head. "They're really missing out."

"I agree." River poured out wine for herself and Amy.

"Missing out on what?" The Doctor asked.

"Nothing, honey," River replied. She took the book from Amy and quickly flipped the pages ahead before he could grab the book from her. He peered over her shoulder and winced. She grimaced.

"How bad is it?" Amy picked up her wine glass.

"Try 'a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity.'"

Amy shuddered and downed the entire glass in three gulps. "Rory, where's the Scotch?"

Rory quickly fetched the bottle and poured a drink for himself while he was at it.

"That really isn't anatomically correct," the Doctor pointed out. "Well, not for humans. But for the Draxi ..."

"When is it ever, sweetie?" River started to skip ahead, but the Doctor took the book from her and began reading for himself.

"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong … does it really feel like the spin cycle on a washing machine when that happens for you, dear?"

River snorted. "Not hardly. Sweetie, if you were making me feel like that, you'd be doing something very wrong."

"Please, please, don't discuss your sex life in front of me," Rory pleaded.

"Where's the really good stuff?" Amy took the book back from the Doctor and skipped entire sections of it. She read, then shuddered. "Ohmigod, he just hit _that_ with a riding crop?"

"You know, the Parthenians have a ritual involving a bamboo riding crop, three genital piercings and a wart," the Doctor supplied.

Rory silently took another drink and prayed for the night to end.

* * *

They wound up finishing off the wine, the Scotch, two packets of biscuits and somehow got to the end of the book.

Amy leaned against River's back, lazily watching the clock tick slowly toward 3 a.m. "Last time we did this was my hen night. Remember that?"

River chuckled and twirled the stem of her wine glass. "Remember the stripper I managed to get?"

"Oh, she was impressive," Amy said with a salute of her empty wine glass.

"_She?_" Rory sleepily said from the couch, where he'd curled up and fallen asleep some time around chapter 23. "You had a female stripper? I just had the bloody Doctor."

"And he wore too many clothes," Amy declared, then flinched. "Oh, that just sounds so wrong now."

"Yes, Mummy dear, it does."

"Can't believe I ever had a crush on the Doctor," Amy continued, tilting her glass so the light could catch the last drops of wine gathered at the bottom. "I mean, look at him."

River slid a glance to her husband. He was upside down in the wingback chair, long, gangly legs hooked over the chair's back, and his hair brushed the carpet. He was reading through the entire book, muttering under his breath. "He's the Doctor," she said with affection.

"And yours. God, I am so sorry I kissed him, River. Then told you. Then again, you were Mels back then, and I didn't know."

"It's like you say I was a bad kisser," the Doctor pouted just a bit.

"To be perfectly honest … you were a bit rubbish." Amy rolled to her feet, proud she only managed to stagger just slightly. "Let's go to bed, Rory." She looked at the couch to find Rory had fallen back asleep, a pillow cradled in his arms. She crept over to him. "Look at my stupid face. Isn't he adorable?" She pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa, tucked it around him and kissed him gently. "You two staying?"

"Yes. We'll be up in a minute." River collected the empty wine bottle and glasses as Amy stumbled toward the stairs.

The Doctor promptly slammed the book shut and tumbled out of the chair, nearly kicking Rory in the face. "Well, that was perfectly horrible."

"Yes, it was." River helped him to his feet and leaned on him a bit as they headed to the kitchen.

He waved the book. "I've a theory about this book, dear."

"What's that?"

"E.L. James is a Slitheen."

"Sweetie, how much of that wine have you had?"

"None, and you know I'm right on this." He tapped her nose.

River sighed. "Let's go to bed, sweetie."

Five weeks later, the Doctor was proven right. Amy, Rory, and River agreed that his smug comments for the next two days were insufferable and managed to get him stuck in a ball pit at an amusement park on Troxia as punishment. The balls were known for eating hats.


	4. Defense

_"Defense"_

It was several years before Rory thought back to that horrible, horrible day - when they realized Amy had been taken by the Church, pregnant and afraid and forced to give birth alone. Then River had told Rory that she couldn't go with them, and he hadn't understood at the time. And the Doctor, well ... he had said only one thing. One nasty, bone-chilling phrase that Rory had forgotten until the Christmas the Doctor had finally shown up again almost two years after faking his death.

Rory stood at the kitchen window watching snow softly fall on the outdoor furniture in the back garden.

And he _remembered_.

"Rory! Amy sent me in for ..."

Rory pivoted and promptly slugged the Doctor, slamming him back into the fridge.

"Rory!" Amy yelled, rushing to the Doctor. "What did he do?"

He stalked to the Doctor. "Don't you _ever_ do to River what you threatened to do before Demon's Run. If you do, I will hunt you down and run you through."

"What? What did he say? Doctor?" Amy stared at them, confused and a bit frightened.

The Doctor wiped his bloodied lip with the back of his hand. "No, he has a right to slug me for that," he admitted.

"What did you say?" Amy demanded again.

Rory stared him down. "Go on. Tell her. Tell her what you told me when River said she couldn't come with us."

The Doctor stared at the floor.

"He said," Rory told Amy, "that he would eradicate her from his future. Change everything. You know what that means?"

"Yes," said a hoarse voice from the kitchen door. Rory looked over his shoulder to see his daughter, packages hanging limply from her hand, face pale and drawn. "I know exactly what that means."

* * *

Amy took the Doctor off to tend to his lip, and Rory and River stood in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Don't be." River rummaged through the wine cabinet and found a very good vintage. "I suspected as much."

"You've done Demon's Run?" Rory handed her an empty glass.

"Yes. Not that long ago though. Just long enough for him to come back, to apologize over and over for something he said. It was the first thing he did apparently, after leaving you behind. I didn't ask him, but I knew it had to be bad." River gave him a wan smile. "It was."

"I'm sorry, too," Rory said. He leaned against the counter and stared miserably at the cabinets. "Even though I didn't know at the time, that you were Melody, I should have defended you. You didn't deserve that. You wanted to come. I told him. I should have thought about it. But, I admit, I was angry with you."

"You'd every right to be angry with me. I could see it. In your eyes." River chuckled sadly and played with the empty wine glass. "That was the worst part, really. I disappointed you."

"You were a good girl," Rory quickly retorted. "You did as you were told, even if we were too stupid to realize it. You didn't do anything wrong."

He reached for her, pulling his little girl into his arms and held on with everything that he could. "Do you want to go see him?"

"The Doctor and I deal with it later," River said, hugging him just as fiercely. "I was looking forward to spending time with you and Amy. I'm sure she's threatening him within an inch of his life right now."

"So Scottish," he said, and they laughed. "Well, there's something I've always wanted to learn how to do."

* * *

_Three weeks later_

River looked up from the archeology journal she was reading to see Rory standing on the other side of her cell door, dressed in Roman costume and wearing a vortex manipulator. He procured the Doctor's sonic and waved it. "I just came from Christmas 2012. You have no idea how hard it was for me to steal this," he said.

"I think he would sleep with it if I left him." River sprang off the cot.

"I can't believe I'm learning how to break into a jail cell."

"You get used to it. A little spoiler there. Remember what I told you?"

Rory concentrated then waved the sonic at her cell door. The sprinklers promptly turned on.

"Damn it," he muttered and tried again. This time, mariachi music played from the alarm system.

"Very festive!" River shouted over the maracas. She reached through the bars and laid her hands over Rory's, helping him do the correct moves to get the bars open. She took her father's arm. "Well, where to, Dad?"

"Since I'm dressed for the part, how about Roman theatre?"

"Love it!" River leaned over to key in the coordinates and left the mariachi music playing as they disappeared into the past.


	5. Answerphone Messages

The day after the Doctor left his message on the answerphone in April, Amy and Rory found one from their daughter - spoilers for episode 1 of "Pond Life."

* * *

_"Answerphone Messages"_

The day after the Doctor left his message on the answerphone, Amy and Rory came home from work to find one from their daughter.

"Hello, Mum and Dad. It's been awhile, so I figured wanted to let you know how I was doing.

I just got back from rescuing the Doctor from the fire waterfalls of Florida 9. He took the surfboard that was meant to be used on the ice glaciers of Alaska 3 and ran into a bit of a hot mess there. Bless.

Then, I accepted an assignment to track down the names of the spies Mata Hari leaked to the Germans in 1917. Had a bit of an interesting evening regarding her, the Doctor and a crumpet. I really shouldn't get into it more than that.

I then ran into the Doctor recording some backing vocals on a rap album in 2004. Mum, there are things the Doctor should _never_ do. I'm on my way to the nearest supernova to burn that ridiculous hat he was wearing. Shooting it just wasn't enough. Don't worry, I also managed to aim my gun so it took out the recording. That thing gets out and it'll set the rapping industry back years! My love to you both, and I'll pop around soon!"


	6. Midnight Call

After the Doctor's unexpected visit, Amy decides to get some reassurance. Spoilers for episode 2 of "Pond Life."

* * *

_"Midnight Call"_

It really had been an exhausting three weeks doing consulting work on an archaeology dig on New Earth, stopping a plague from devouring East Paranall and going out for a quiet evening with the Doctor only to be confronted by a band of rogue Cybermen.

But when the mobile hidden in the wall of River's cell began to buzz, she immediately reached for it and answered it. "Amy?" she murmured sleepily into it.

"Hi. The Doctor's just been here. He burst into our bedroom again."

"Were you doing anything?"

"Sleeping!"

"It doesn't stop him." River rolled onto her back and kneaded her temples.

"Look, just tell me something. Is the world safe? I mean, really, really safe? Rory and I aren't going back to sleep until we know."

"It depends. When is it for you?"

"May 16, 2012."

"Mmm … hmm …" River began to mentally flip through her diary. "What bow tie was he wearing?"

"I don't know? Uh … blue? I think? It was dark."

"Was he carrying a harpoon?"

"If he was, he left it outside the door. River, nothing's going on, right?"

River didn't say anything.

"River, you're scaring me. River?"

"I'd advise avoiding _Jurassic Park_ for the next … well, I just wouldn't ever watch it again."

"That's not helping us!"

"I'll visit soon. Love you." River quickly ended the call, threw back the covers, rolled to her feet and wondered where she put that elephant gun.

Amy pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it.

"Well?" Rory asked. "Is everything OK?"

"Yeah. Sure. Fine." She stared down at her husband. "We're in a lot of trouble, aren't we?"

"Yup." Rory sighed and buried his head under his pillow.


	7. Morning Visit

There was an Ood on their loo. With a morning that started like that, Amy and Rory weren't at all surprised by what happened next - spoilers for episode 3 of "Pond Life".

* * *

_"Morning Visit"_

As Amy and Rory stood gaping at the Ood, the front door banged open.

"Where is it?" The Doctor was yelling as he tore through the entrance hall. Amy and Rory winced in tandem as the sound of shattering glass echoed.

"Please don't let that be Gran's good china," Amy moaned and warily they turned to the stairs as River started up, dressed in a killer red sequined gown that was slit so high up the thigh that Rory was quite sure she wasn't wearing knickers under it. That was something he really didn't want to know about her.

"Up here, sweetie!" River called over the bannister and flashed a grin. "Hello, Mum. Dad." She slipped by them into the loo. "Now, there you are. We've been looking everywhere for you," she told the Ood.

"Hello, Ponds!" The Doctor in a tuxedo took the steps two at a time. "Lost an Ood. Oh, you found it!" He peered over River's shoulder, grinned and pointed. "Ood on a loo."

"Yes, that's quite a tedious joke in some circles." River strapped a vortex manipulator to the Ood's wrist and keyed in coordinates. "We'll be right behind you in the TARDIS," she said as the Doctor tried to explain to Amy and Rory about temporal complexes and whirly dangerbangers and how they all seemed to combine at once to displace a family of Ood, and he and River were at this magnificent ball hosted an old friend of theirs and realized they had to get the Ood home, and there were still two missing.

"We better get going. We'll be back for breakfast!" River grabbed the Doctor's wrist, and they were out of the house before Amy and Rory could fully grasp what had happened.

"Do you think they'll be back for breakfast?" Rory asked.

"I'll set two extra places," Amy replied.

They did show up to breakfast - River in safari gear, the Doctor back in his tweed, and both covered head to foot in mud and elephant dung. Graciously, River offered to pay for new carpet after the Doctor tried clean up after them and wound up burning holes in the carpet instead.

Sadly, Amy's gran's good china did not survive the morning.


End file.
